When you leave a conversation, do you ever think about it? Do you really know what the other person said, do you listen with merely the intention to respond? I almost feel that this is how most people go through life. From one blur to another, most people unintentionally don’t truly listen.
Life has become a rush, you never give yourself time to speak the rambles that occur in your daily life, and instead we dismiss these rambles and instantly label them as non-important. These little rambles have the power of saying how we truly feel, we don’t have to listen to counter argue. We want to be listened to, and others deserve to be listened to, because this establishes our presence. Those who are willing to be present and truly listen, deeply listen to what we have to say let “the spirit expand”.
Whenever I have a bad day, I have someone who I can go to and who lets me just talk, and they let me completely spill whatever happened, when I have a really good day I can do the same. This person truly listens and Mary Rose O’Reily says is this what friends are for, To whine and whine and whine to. Don’t ever stop whining. It’s a spiritual practice. To be good friends we must learn to listen deeply, at times this is a hard task after all it is difficult to listen without answering, and trying to give in your opinion, but at times listening is the best thing you can offer a friend.
When my friends need a good listener I always try my best to truly listen, quietly, patiently and non-judgmentally. We all need someone who will let us speak our soul; I propose a challenge to anyone who wishes to take it, when someone wants you to listen to them, truly do it. Don’t think of how it relates to you, or how you would answer, let them figure it out; you just listen and let them be.
One can, I think, listen someone into existence, encourage a stronger self into existence, encourage a stronger self to emerge or a new talent to flourish. – Mary Rose O’Reily
-Yaisa Rodriguez
I love the topic, Yaisa! Regarding Lindsey’s comment, I agree there is a fine line between telling someone your true feelings and this behavior becoming damaging. I think it is important to get things off your chest, but not to dwell in negativity. I’ve noticed that the people I admire the most are people who can acknowledge their shortcomings. They then use this to their advantage, and their past shortcomings become their motivation.
A servant-leader may do this by acknowledging when their group fell short of a goal, asking the group members for feedback on what could be improved, then implementing these changes in the future.
This is very interesting Yaisa, thank you for sharing your thoughts! You quote Mary ROse O’Reily when she says “Don’t ever stop whining. It’s a spiritual practice.” And while I understand the emphasis of it within the context of empathic listening, and allowing one’s self to be truly present to another, I wonder if there is a boundary that must exist… On the one hand it is important to hold safe and sacred space for someone’s best self to show up. On the other hand it is also important to ensure that we are not enabling damaging behavior, such as gossip and back-biting. How might Servant Leadership offer examples of how to maintain this balance of responsible space-holding?
Lindsey-
This is a really good point, sometimes when listening to friends (or doing when we are talking ourselves) talking about a particular problem, the more they get wrapped up in it, which can lead to more negative feelings about themselves or others. But at the same time telling them to calm down or that they are wrong, does not help the situation. I think a tactic servant leaders could use would be asking questions so it encourages your friends to look at situations differently, from a new perspective.
I like your response Michelle. I completely agree that sometimes, talking about a certain problem leads to one becoming consumed by it and everything appears to spiral out of of control in a negative manner. This is not good and not healthy either. I also agree however, with Mary Rose O’Reily. Friends are the people we can complain too, without fear of judgement, because sometimes you just need a sounding board. The line then, exists where one crosses from unloading things off your chest to dwelling on the problem and becoming fixated on the bad. In this situation a servant leader might have to stop listening deeply and become more of an active listener by offering feedback, asking questions, and steering the conversation to a more positive area. When this is done in a tactful way, I think that you have no reason to worry about overstepping your bounds as a friend.