Entering college as a first-year, I was very excited for what was ahead of me. I had goals for what I was going to accomplish and I was excited about the relationships and memories I was going to make along the way. I guess you could say I was looking into the future and anticipating graduation and the “real-world.”
At the beginning of this semester, over three years had passed in my college career and I was anticipating graduation in the spring. That’s when it finally crossed my mind. I realized that I had not spent nearly enough time living life for the moment; as I was always thinking about my future. I think this happens to a lot of us. We get caught up thinking about the expectations that our peers have for our future, and focus less on what is right in front of us.
Just a few weeks ago actually, I was sitting in my deer stand up in the “Great Northwoods of Minnesota” and I had the pleasant opportunity to live in the moment. I had all day to look around and appreciate the colorful fall leaves, the chirping birds, and yes… even the sight of tails flipping of a few female whitetail. As I continued to observe nature, thoughts about “My Four Years at Gustavus,” popped into my head. I was able to put my future plans aside and reflect on everything I had done as a Gustie from Sliding down old main, to late night studying and the “Midnight Express,” and even freshmen orientation. I was able to eliminate any thoughts about my future or what society wanted me to be.
The moments in life where we stop to think about decisions and events in our past are important because they help us find who we really are. By looking at decisions I made in the past, and categorizing them into decisions I had made myself and decisions that I made to fulfill the expectations of others, I was able to distinguish a subtle difference—the decisions that I made by myself were the ones that were truly me. This was when I began to discover my “true self.”
In Parker palmer’s book, Let Your Life Speak, he says,
We arrive in this world with birthright gifts—then we spend the first half of our lives abandoning them or letting others disabuse us of them. As young people, we are surrounded by expectations that may have little to do with who we really are, expectations held by people who are not trying to discern our selfhood but to fit us into slots. In families, schools, workplaces, and religious communities, we are trained away from true self toward images of acceptability; under social pressures like racism and sexism our original shape is deformed beyond recognition; and we ourselves, driven by fear, too often betray true self to gain the approval of others.
I found this to be so, true as we are all born into a person unique and different. We all begin with our own characteristics and qualities, but as we grow we are molded by the expectations of society and we move away from who we actually are. In the case of myself I was trying to live up to expectations of my peers, and in doing so I was only thinking about my future. It was not until I stepped back and reflected on my life when I finally caught a glimpse of my true self. As long as it has taken me to find out who I truly am, I now realize that it is much easier to do then I previously thought. I found that while walking to class, instead of worrying about the day’s lecture I was now thinking about my life, who I am and why I am here. I have began to find the things that I love to do, more than the things that I did because they are accepted by today’s society. I have found that there are many things that I like to do that other people don’t and vice versa. As I continue to encounter my true self, I am able to make decisions that are true to who I am. I am able to bring my own opinions to a conversation instead of repeating words that have previously been said.
Now, I encourage you to stop for a moment, at any time of the day and try and distinguish decisions you have made from those that you made to follow the expectations of society. If you do this, hopefully you will recognize your true self. If you do, you will be more true to yourself; in doing so you will be more true to the people of the world around you.
Now I become myself.
It’s taken time, many years and many places.
I have been dissolved and shaken,
Worn other people’s faces….
—May Sarton
Cody Rowley
Thanks Cindy,
That is such a good question, and something interesting to think about. Could you imagine where our world would be if people did not wear each others faces? Everyone would instead be their own true self, not to separate from each other, but to share their own unique ideas with each other.
Thank-you for such an inspirational post. I’m really glad that you posted this, and I can definitely relate. As I started the Servant Leadership Program, finding myself literally was my journey last year. You are right, I think many people and even ourselves sometimes forget to just live in the moment and take in that time. To truly be in the presence. We definitely can learn a lot from ourselves. I wonder how much people’s live would change if they discovered to not wear other people’s faces.